Burger Quest: 5 Guys

The girl who sits at the cubicle across from mine at work swears that Five Guys have the best burgers ever, hands down....

She is from the east coast and maybe this place is more appealing to folks on the right side of the country.  Frankly I didn't see what all the hub-bub is about.  The burgers are fine, but I didn't really like the taste of the meat or the fact that the patty's are so authentically misshapen.  I know it's to remind the customers that they are fresh and handmade, not processed slabs of meat products (ewww.)  But the meat in my Five Guys burger was literally crumbling apart, and thus scored appallingly low on the stay togetherness rating.  

Also, I hated the joint.  I hated the fact that it is covered in obscure press quotes about how fabulous the burgers are; I found that really tacky.  My tap teacher once told me that "the good ones don't need to draw attention to themselves or talk themselves up, they just need to show up and do the work.  The rest will fall into place."  

Now sure, he was talking about dancers, but I think that can apply to burgers too.  So Five Guys, I don't need to have dozens of local press reporters telling me that you're "the Willy Wonka of Burgers," if your burgers are something special, I should be able to taste that.  You dig?  

This wasn't the worst burger I've tasted, but nor was it even close to being the best.  I found it to be forgettable.  Too harsh?  Well let's leave it to the numbers then.  I give you the scores:

Meatiness: 2
Succulentiousness: 3
Bun: 1
Flavor: 3
Stay-together-ness: 1
Joint: 2